For a period longer than I can count, the people of Scotland (particularly those attached to the nation’s football stadiums) seem very interested in my unique relationship with meat-filled pastry delights.
Indeed, there’s hardly a day that passes without me dealing with the recurring inquiry: “Who ate all the pies?”
But to be honest, I couldn’t care less about the teasing when effectively this week it leads to my appointment in what I believe to be my dream job.
Yes, folks, Brownings the Bakery, creator of the legendary Kilmarnock Pie, have named me the new ambassador for their latest creation: The Tartan Army Pie.
This immediately made me feel like Norm from the popular US comedy Cheers when he gets a job testing new beers for a brewery.
It isn’t the initial instance Brownings manager John Gall (a long-time acquaintance from Ayrshire) has aligned a delightful surprise for his mate Tam.
Last year, it was a ticket to watch Darvel take on Aberdeen in the Scottish Cup, during which I was lucky enough to witness one of football’s largest upsets.
It will be an even greater shock, I guarantee, if the pie-devouring public of Scotland don’t grasp the Tartan Army Pie with both hands.
Would I risk my reputation endorsing just any sort of food?
My taste test came last week, and if you ever enjoyed your grandma’s mince ‘n’ tatties, you’re absolutely going to appreciate a Tartan Army Pie. It literally has the same stuffing – mince ‘n’ tatties. Set for distribution to Spar, Aldi and many other retail stores, and timed perfectly for the kick-off of the Euros, give them a try, folks, and share your feedback.
Speaking of the Euros, it’s well-known that the bookies rarely get it wrong. For instance, I recently visited Ladbrokes and the lady serving me promptly mentioned, “Hey, Cowan, you ought to consider losing a few pounds.”
Therefore, we might have a reason to be apprehensive, as England are being touted as 3/1 favourites to lift the trophy.
Optimists among Scottish fans believe Scotland will get off to a great start because Germany, our opening match opponents, are supposedly “slow starters”.
Watch out, though, Poland may disagree.
Personally, I’m just thrilled we made it through the qualifiers.
Consider, for a moment, the big footballing countries who will be missing from the tournament this summer – Brazil and Argentina, to begin with.
My radio partner, Stuart Cosgrove, is a die-hard optimist when it comes to Scotland.
He is certain we’ll return with a medal from Germany, much like his own win back in 1945.
He was awarded the Victoria Cross after he managed to bore an entire battalion of Germans to death, continuously screaming about St Johnstone across the battleground.
Clearly, the man’s optimism mirrors that of the late, great Scotland manager, Craig Brown.
In the 1998 World Cup opener, while our boys were lining up beside a Brazilian team boasting the likes of Rivaldo, Ronaldo and Roberto Carlos, it was our Brown who encouraged our players with, “Look at them, guys, they’re petrified!!”
Suffice it to say, Graeme Souness was not nearly as convinced when we were up against Brazil 16 years prior at the Spain World Cup.
As both teams were stepping onto the field, the referee said: “Best of luck, may the better team win.” To which Souness retorted, “I certainly hope not.”
I’ll be following the games on TV and we’ll cover all of them from our studios in Glasgow after each match.
Will any of you be joining a “fanzone”?
I went to a Rangers fanzone last year and it was great fun, or at least that’s what I thought it was. In reality, I was the guest speaker at the Lanarkshire Referees’ AGM.
I’ve also visited a St Johnstone fanzone, although it was brief as someone else needed the space for a call.
