The renowned Telly Savalas, well-remembered as the smooth bald detective Kojak, once proclaimed in his unforgettable 1975 hit single ‘If’ (which still holds the accolade for the briefest No.1 single title in pop history), that a picture paints a thousand words.
In the absence of a rewarding Brendan Rodgers alongside the Pope garnered well over two hundred entries for an impromptu caption contest on my Instagram page.
Many thanks indeed to all who joined in – including loyal Record readers – as I present some of the most notable captions here. Whether it’s Brendan addressing Pope Francis or the other way round, the entries did not disappoint…
“A warm welcome to the club, Your Holiness. Regrettably, it’s too late to register you for Europe…”
“I am more than willing to join the team – as long as we use a Mitre…”
“I would greatly enhance the team, Brendan. I certainly don’t shy away from crosses, unlike Joe Hart.”
“Forget Artur Boruc – I’ll be the real Holy Goalie.”
“Magners? Did I not specify I prefer Tennent’s?”
“Forget Rangers – we are the Papal!”
“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It’s been 1257 days since I signed for Leicester.”
“No Franny, I’m equally clueless about who they are…”
“That’s adorable. My little boy Francis would adore it.”
“Greetings, I’m Brendan. You probably never thought you’d witness another Second Coming!”
“Tell me Brendan, has Tony Cascarino scored yet?”
“Here you go, Father. And Mr Lawwell’s bill comes to 90 pounds, thank you.”
“A win in Europe? Brendan, I’m afraid even God can’t facilitate that kind of miracle.”
“No Brendan, I did request the names of the Twelve Disciples, not the Eleven Disappointments!”
“I hope you don’t take this personally, Brendan, but the last time we managed three points in the Champions League, I served as an altar boy.”
“This might surprise you, my son, but I’m actually a Bluenose.”
“As an infallible leader, it’s an honour for you to meet me, Franny.”
“Would you like this shirt, Brendan? I’ve decided to quit the five aside games.”
“Your Holiness, could you sign this for Tam Mullen’s spouse from Craiglang…”
“Oh, it’s just you, Brendan – the prodigal son!”
“Out of Europe, even prior to Christmas? Perhaps I should orchestrate some white smoke for the Parkhead chimney…”
Nevertheless, similar to a North Korean general election, there can only be one champion. The winner that captured my attention was Billy Caven, a regular reader. He cleverly wrote: “Thanks for the jersey, Brendan. Has Michael Matheson autographed it, too?” A brilliant line! Of course, I’d only been jesting regarding the absence of a prize.
Over the course of the summer, I’ve been running a monthly event dubbed ‘Aff The Baw’ (still unsure where that name sprang from!) at the Blackfriars pub in Glasgow’s Merchant City. My esteemed guests thus far have included former footballers James McFadden, Frank McAvennie and Pat Nevin, accomplished comedy actors Jonathan Watson, Sanjeev Kohli, and renowned football pundit and broadcaster Chick Young.
My new series commences on Tuesday, January 23, welcoming the wrestler, panto icon and fan-favourite of ‘Two Doors Down’, Grado (there’s your seamless plug!). Billy has earned two tickets for the first show of the 2024 season. Suddenly, a lollipop prize doesn’t seem so bad, right? In Glasgow, it is always good to enjoy unique events like these.
